Behind That Mask; Tears Of Pain

Angel in my life

2009-10-19T17:33:00.003+08:00

Since she walked away

All i hear, are my sobs and tears

All i see, are the memories of her and me

All i taste, are the sweat and blood that has, gone to waste

All i feel, are the desires to love or kill

Walking in the rain, drowning myself in the pain

And that's when you saw me

Haven't been so lucky for so long

Never knew you were there all along

Guiding me through right and wrong

You wiped these tears of mine

Said you'd know i'd be fine

(you) Truly are the angel in my life

You said no girl is worth the tears

But by the wisdom through my years

I'd say you were wrong this time

For you mountains i would climb

For you i would cross the line

Just because i wish you were mine

Cause you are the angel in my life

Before i sleep, i prayed to God

Bless her soul, oh please my Lord

It's my battles that she fought

And yet her smile was never lost...

Haven't been so lucky for so long

Never knew you were there all along

Guiding me through what's right and wrong

You wiped these tears of mine

Said you'd know i'd be fine

(you) Truly are the angel in my life

Let Those Memories Go

2009-07-25T23:33:00.002+08:00

Man its been what? Months? I had given up my blog -__-' I still wonder if anyone actually PASSES by here >w> But still, any diary's a good diary ~

~ Let Those Memories Go ~

Those dead leaves shall fall
And so will those strong wall
What goes up must come down
When there's a smile there's a frown
If there's one who can't swim
That's the one who will dream
When there's one who hates the rain
There's one who loves the pain
When's one says hi
There's one who says goodbye

Let those memories go
Those pain in your soul
Those kisses from long ago
The promises we had
The times i made you mad
Those times we embraced
The problems we both had
When we cried together
The times we said forever
But it's now or never

Oh I wanna ask
Would you cry if you see me fall
When you're sad would you call
When we would give up all
Just to hang out at the mall
No matter how big or small
I'd break down that wall
Just to see my doll

But now...

Let those memories go
The pain in your soul
Those kisses from long ago
The promises we had
The times i made you mad
Those times we embraced
The problems we both had
When we cried together
The times we said forever
But it's now or never

Let those memories go
Leave pictures in your past
Live life like it was your last
Explore the world so vast
Party and have a blast
Ask what you wanna ask
Release all your memories
Run out and feel the breeze
Say hi to all you see
Forgive your enemies
Fuck it all, empty your mind
Don't ever try to rewind
Leave those memories behind

Let those memories go
The pain your soul
Those kisses from long ago
The promises we had
The times i made you mad
Those times we embraced
The problems we both had
When we cried together
The times we said forever
But it's now or never

Let those memories go
Run out, find that one you're dreaming of
Swear up to God above
That you'd finally fall in love
Move on, let the rain flow
Leave it fast, don't be slow
Let those memories go

Lol first song i ever wrote with a 'fuck' in it XD

Yare yare...nothing much

2009-06-10T02:17:00.002+08:00

Just when i thought i could be in love again...sigh...Oh well...*slaps self* must be positive a bit. Good time for lyrics i guess...?

~12 Midnight~

12 in the afternoon
I walk alone in the park
Wishing i could die
Eventhough i still can hear
Children's laughter pass me by
Maybe it's because...

12 Midnight
The hour i was born
12 Midnight
The feeling we had is gone
12 Midnight
I still can feel this pain
Be in sunshine or the rain
12 Midnight
I see the moon clearly in the night
12 Midnight
Where is my ray of light
12 Midnight
The time we first said hi
The time you said goodbye
12 Midnight
The pain i felt
The fight i fought

Rain drops fell
Feel like the tears i had
When i'm thinking
Whether if you're well
Tell me girl
Are you feeling what i feel
Are you seeing what i see
Are your feelings still there, for me

12 Midnight
The hour i was born
The feeling you had is gone
12 Midnight
I still can feel this pain
Be in sunshine or the rain
12 Midnight
I see the moon clearly in the night
Where are you, my ray of light
12 Midnight
The time we first said hi
The time you said goodbye
12 Midnight
I see you in everything i do
Because my heart still yearns for you...

12...Midnight...

Hols...bleargh

2009-06-05T16:41:00.002+08:00

Its the holidays, so called, anyway. I told myself 'fuck the homework' and now i have NOTHING to do =___= Boredom boredom boredom...And i hate being at home all the time. Makes me freaking depressed. Officially repeated, i hate life.

~Why~
Even the leaves of autumn
Has filled the empty streets
Why am i standing here
Feeling all this pain
Feels like i'm crying in the rain

Why
Do i feel like i need you
Why
Do i miss you so much
Why
Do i see you
Why
Are you hurting me
Why
Why
After all this time
Why
After all that pain
Why
Are you still in my dreams

Please please stop the pain
Please don't hurt me again
Please don't stay
If you plan to go away
Please
Please don't say hi
If you're gonna say goodbye

Why
Do i feel like i need you
Why
Do i miss you so much
Why
Do i see you
Why
Are you hurting me
Why
Why
After all this time
Why
After all that pain
Why
Are you still in my dreams

Please please stop the pain
Please don't hurt me again
Please don't stay
If you plan to go away
Please
Please don't say hi
If you're gonna say goodbye

12:34 AM :D

2009-05-24T00:34:00.000+08:00

Wah...now she fly off to Redang @_@ How can one stay so far away from home? D: On another note, i have decided to make Jason Voorhees a permanent cosplay plan =D

Jason Voorhees

Anyone who thinks that i'm doing this only because it came in this year, dead wrong >D I knew Jason as soon he and Krueger made a hit in teh Interwebs

Yuki has asked me to be her Tidus for CF10 @____@ She wants to be the summoner Yuna...Tidus; clothing is gonna be a bitch for costs and *beepbeepbeepbeeeeep*-ing worse for his body =____= Need to work out more Dx

-We'll-
Autumn leaves are on the ground
A year has gone by
I held your hand and whisper
Baby, would you...?

We'll be walking hand in hand
Through the park without an end
We'll be kissing under the rain
And promise we'll have no pain
We'll be looking at the stars
And no matter how far
We'll still be one in heart
We'll never be apart~
We'll be walking hand in hand
Through the park without an end
We'll be kissing under the rain
And promise we'll have no pain
We'll be looking at the stars
And no matter how far
We'll still be one in heart
We'll never be apart

Baby can't you see
How much you mean to me
Don't say you'll love me again
Cause i don't wanna be alone in this rain
Oh baby i see you
In everything i do
Oh baby i can hear
Those melody you sang
When i was feeling fear
Baby don't ever say goodbye
Because i won't be around to say hi

We'll be walking hand in hand
Through the park without an end
We'll be kissing under the rain
And promise we'll have no pain
We'll be looking at the stars
And no matter how far
We'll still be one in heart
We'll never be apart~
We'll be walking hand in hand
Through the park without an end
We'll be kissing under the rain
And promise we'll have no pain
We'll be looking at the stars
And no matter how far
We'll still be one in heart
We'll never be apart

We'll never be apart
We'll be one in heart
We'll never say never
Because we'll last forever

Updates

2009-05-23T00:31:00.000+08:00

Finally after 13 days she replied. Knew she extended her vacation. Just never knew she went to Borneo ._.
Lazy to update about my useless life so just write down things that rhyme (or not)

~Let Me Be The One-
Dreams i have seen
Feelings that were never said
Maybe it's the fear
Maybe it's the memories past
Of relationships that could never last
So i wrote this melody
And hope you'll hear me

Let me be the one
To take this chance
Let me be the one
To have this last dance
Let me be the one
To say i love you
Let me be the one
To make your dreams come true
Let me be the one
That knows you the best
Let me be the one
That's different from the rest
Let me be the one
To hold you tight
Let me be the one
That will be the last
To say good night

Oh when we first met
We thought it would never be
Time passes on
We never lost contact
And everyone could see
The connection between us
What we felt
How in embrace
Our hearts would melt
So baby girl please...

Let me be the one
To take this chance
Let me be the one
To have this last dance
Let me be the one
To say i love you
Let me be the one
To make your dreams come true
Let me be the one
That knows you the best
Let me be the one
That's different from the rest
Let me be the one
To hold you tight
Let me be the one
That will be the last
To say good night

Oh girl let me be the one
Let me be the one
Let me be the one
Who never says never
Let me be the one
Who will let this
Last forever

Never Forget

2009-05-18T13:51:00.000+08:00

I still see you all around me
Eventhough it's been months
Since you left me
I close my eyes
And hope i never realise
The pain i'm in
The sadness i feel
Or the blood dripping from within

For all this time
I've never forget
All the love i felt
So exquisite, yes it is
I need you girl
But I could only listen
To the voice of yesterday
That told me of one task
One i could never complete
'Forget me, move on'
'Our story is finished'
But girl, please know
Everything's fine,
Even the blood stop flowing
But girl please know this
All the love i needed
So painful, it is
Yet i'll never forget
Of the love we once shared

I see it now,
My fallen brethren
They have come for me
Goodbye my love
I will never forget
The love we shared

Savin' Me

2009-05-14T22:21:00.000+08:00

Nickelback; you gotta love this band >w<

Prison gates won't open up for me
On these hands and knees I'm crawlin'
Oh, I reach for you
Well I'm terrified of these four walls
These iron bars can't hold my soul in
All I need is you
Come please I'm callin'
And oh I scream for you
Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin'

Show me what it's like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be
Say it for me
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth saving me

Heaven's gates won't open up for me
With these broken wings I'm fallin'
And all I see is you
These city walls ain't got no love for me
I'm on the ledge of the eighteenth story
And oh I scream for you
Come please I'm callin'
And all I need from you
Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin'

Show me what it's like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be
Say it for me
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth saving me

Hurry I'm fallin'

All I need is you
Come please I'm callin'
And oh, I scream for you
Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin', I'm fallin'

Show me what it's like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be
Say it for me
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth saving me

Hurry I'm fallin'

Colour Laboratory

2009-03-04T16:21:00.000+08:00

Gah...hell. I chopped a part of my thumb =.= Good update or not? Dying from Form 5 i tell you. BM teacher be crazy bitch.

On another note, I got this 'a customized keychain of your name' or sumthin iddat. >w> So happened i bought the limited edition. Still on it's way...Need to stop spending D: Check out the link. The stuff is nice. Cheap and looks classy, sorta >w> Good to prevent assholes stealing ur bag or pencil case xD

http://ColourLaboratory.blogspot.com

Currently feeling like: Rescue Me by Tokio Hotel

2009-03-01T15:32:00.000+08:00

This used to be our secret
Now I'm hiding here alone
Can't help but read our names on the wall
And wash them off the stone

I trusted you in every way
But not enough to make you stay
Turn around
I've lost my ground

Come and rescue me
I'm burning can't you see?
Come and rescue me
Only you can set me free
Come and rescue me
Rescue me
Rescue me

We lied when we were dreaming
Our crying was just fake
I wish you could deny it
Here and today

My S.O.S on radio
The only chance to let you know
What I fear
Can you hear?

Come and rescue me
I am burning can't you see?
Come and rescue me
Only you can set me free
Come and rescue me
Rescue me
You and me
You and me
You and me

The walls are coming closer
My senses fade away
I'm haunted by your shadow
I reached to feel your face

You're not here
Are you here?

Come and rescue me
Rescue me
Come and rescue me
I'm burning can't you see?
Come and rescue me
Only you can set me free
Come and rescue me
Rescue me
You and me
You and me
Rescue me
You and me
Set me free
Rescue me...

2009-02-24T22:06:00.001+08:00

When the rain pours
Or the sun shine
The pain remains
So i hid, behind a mask of smiles and lies...
Behind that mask; tears of pain

I heard the door slam
I sat, alone in this darkness
I cried and cried, begged to God
All i ever wanted was you
I walked the path
A path i walked forever
Covered in darkness, eating my heart
But i was an empty shell, nothing left inside
The knife seems so close
The pain calling for a stop
The blood flowing, never ceased
But the pain was still there
I cried and cried
My face covered in tears, my wrist in blood
I cried and cried
But when people saw
They ask if i am in pain
I only said 'It's just the rain'
Because my cries of help were in vain
So i hid, behind this mask
Behind that mask; tears of pain

His meaningless existence Kai? No, mine.

2009-02-24T21:55:00.001+08:00

I get yelled at half my life
I get looked down all the time
I never get left alone when i fuck things up
Every little thing i do, nothing goes right
From putting on my glasses in the morning
Or finding some sleep
Everything is fucked up

My heart says believe in Him
He made me this way
He has blessed us all
Then where is He where i need him?
Why did He made me a living fool
Why did He made me cry for every single thing
Every little thing that happens
A young boy, i cried when i lost something, when i fell, when i lost
Growing up, i cried when everything i did was wrong
Now, every time something goes wrong, everytime a lover leaves,
I cried and cried, more than a person ever should
I slash my wrist, i could no longer count how many lines are there anymore
20? 40? I lost count of what happened anymore

I fucked up once,
I fucked up in everything
My heart is this rock, barren inside
A tough shell, once broken hard to heal
An empty shell, taken of its fillings and dumped back into the sea
But it was hard to heal, the fillings growing slowly, every so slowly...very slowly...

Rescue Me - Tokio Hotel

Forgive this fool, for he is the fool of God, a fool that only knows foolishness...

Wash It Away

2009-02-24T20:06:00.000+08:00

Let the rain fall
Let the shadows crawl
Don't wanna wake up
Don't wanna see no more
I felt the pain
So let it rain
Let the rain just wash it away...
Shed my blood and wash it all away...

Behind That Mask, Tears Of Pain?

2009-01-30T02:07:00.000+08:00

So i walked on and on, the sky's all gray
I felt what i felt, i saw what i saw
I cried all night long and smiled all day
No one can stop this rain
Behind this mask, tears of pain

Behind this mask, tears of pain
Let me walk, let me run
Let me be the only one
To feel this pain, to be this hurt
Don't let yourself fall
Don't let yourself down
Never ever let yourself be the one

Behind this mask, tears of pain

Right Here

2008-11-14T00:58:00.000+08:00

Oceans apart day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain
If I see you next to never
How can we say forever

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

I took for granted, all the times
That I though would last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now

Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' CrAzY

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

I wonder how we can survive
This romance
But in the end if I'm with you
I'll take the chance

Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin crazy

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

Can't wait till i get to see you again <3

Now and forever

2008-10-20T20:52:00.000+08:00

Come and lie down by me
Let us watch the stars again
Baby see that wishing star
Make wish, for i made mine
That i wanna live forever with you by me

If i had to live without you by me
The bed would always feel empty
The warmth and love you made me felt
Could be enough to let me live forever
Because i know this much
I am alive when we're together
There's always one thing you can be sure of
I'll never ask for anything but your love
So baby lets make a wish
I want you to be the one in my fairytale
Because i want us together
Now and forever

Baby, i'll be yours forever and don't you forget that <3

Desirable

2008-10-06T22:56:00.000+08:00

Desirable, remarkable
Indistinguishable, irresistible
Baby what am i without you
And would you be you without me?
Baby let us dream and fly
Into the love sea, just you and me

Wherever you go,
Whatever you do,
I will will always be right here
Thinking of you
Dreaming of you
Wishing i'd see you
Just wanting you
Tears of the past
Are like stars from the sky
Blood that was shed
Are left aside, never remembered
Because you are here
Your desirable self
I want you, i need you
Cause i see you in everything i do

Redemption

2008-09-25T00:31:00.000+08:00

So she PM'ed me on MSN today, shocked as i was. And she even chat as if nothing happened. Ouch?

Thankfully, i did not feel much pain, just...regret? Remorse?
Whatever it is, i felt a tinge of God knows what. So...*grabs a cola sweet*
Whaaaaat? I'm addicted to eet >.>
Anyways, i'm currently being hunted down by prefects school's dogs cause of my lovely hair. *cough*
And...errr...life's pretty dull so hardly any updates...oh yea i got my Drug Spider sweater :D
Ah yes, family.

My...father is now holding 50% of a pub, and has been drinking almost every night.
OSSU! Yes, this IS good cause he comes home late and i get to enjoy my night life a little more...kinda.
And the...mother seems to be stable these days. Thank you Lord.

...My life has no updates. Literally.
Other than that, life's moving on, i currently am stuck at a road where i need to work hard.
So...i sat down. Yea i'm useless, no need to tell me. I heard enough of that from my mum.
Well, the only thing I have to entertain myself is SID, a band i really like but shall not promote.
And...IMVU. Lame as it is, i like it cause i get to mix with people.
And i got myself an American girl, 13 too *bwahahahaha*
Shaddap Kai, i know i'm a pedo.
This is my avatar:

Neon Green (DJ SiSeN)

Blood Red (DJ Chihiro)TRUE DJ SiSeN

Not bad eh? Took me long to collect the game money to get the clothes.
And well...nothing has been happening after that. Yes i know i'm a dork
Till next time...?

Kthxbye

Update

2008-09-17T18:13:00.000+08:00

Been lazy lately, sorry peeps >.>

I see the memories of me
Back when i was a kid
Eyes that were deep, full of joy
Never once letting the world bring me down
But now, now
I stood all alone on the empty street
Wondering what the hell i've seen
The memory of us walking together, hand in hand
I wiped the tears and put on my mask
Never to show my tears and smile on
But no matter what i do
I do it for you, and that's why...
I live behind this mask

Behind this mask, behind that smile
Tears flow like the blood bleeding from my heart
What i wouldn't give to have you again
No one will now how many scars
How much tears
How much pain i had
Because to see you smile
I live behind this mask

Dreams

2008-08-18T00:12:00.000+08:00

Dreams...

So...what is a dream?
When i was a child, someone asked me, 'what is a dream?'
I answered, 'a dream is somewhere we can be what we want to be, right?'
As a child, a dream was happiness, full of joy
Somethings we never get, but we could have it, just as long
We fell into a blissful sleep, a path to our dreams

Growing up, i still wondered of dreams
Then, when i fell in love with you, i answered myself,
'A dream is when we can be happy. We can see the person we love so much'
Full of everything i wanted, because i saw you, i saw us
I saw the heaven i was never meant to see

The day you left me...i changed my life, my thoughts
I thought, i knew, and i said
'Dreams are nightmares'
'We only see pain in dreams, we fall into darkness'
'Because dreams hurt, it hurts us when we get what we hate, what we miss, what we would never get...'
I saw despair, never smiled again...

Now, i wondered as i held the cigarette as usual...
What ARE dreams...?
'I guess...it is emotions, packed into a three dimensional life...'
'I would dream of you again and again, wake up again and again...'
'And smile, for i knew i was blessed to even have you once in a lifetime, no matter how long or short it was, a pure bliss for that moment...'

So, really...what is a dream
What are dreams...?
I guess... dreams are just...

dreams *smiles*

Back from Fraser's, Mountains and Sea

2008-08-10T23:40:00.000+08:00

So yea i was supposed forced to go to Fraser's Hill for the weekend(had exam the following week too)...mountains helped me clear my head for a bit(when i was alone)...but the shitty thing was, i lost the cross necklace she gave me, and so i wonder...was it because God wanted me to forget about her? Or was it to see how loyal i was to try to find it? Problem is, i'll never know. But for now, i'm trying to get back to my normal self, even if it means pretending...

Now, the hills gave me an inspiration, so here goes...

Mountains and Sea
I walked again on this empty road
Hoping some light to be there for me
But everywhere i go
I find myself at a dead end
I see your laugh on every step
Shedding more tears with every breath
I need you beside me
Cause i can't live without you baby...

I'd walk through the mountains and sea
Just to make you believe
I need you here beside me
I need to hear your laugh oh baby
I shed more tears with every thought
The lonely path's worse
Than any fears i've ever fought
So i say and say all over again
To prove that i need you here oh...
I'd run through the mountains and sea
Just to make sure baby
You'd hear my plea and cry for help
To have you here beside me
I need to hear your voice oh baby
I need to hold you once more baby
But every step i take on this broken path
Each road leads me to another dead end...

Speech (o.o): Each road i take, it's hell all over again
I wish you were here, it hurts so much
But would i laugh or cry if i saw you?
Right now, i still feel the pain when you left me...

I'd walk through the mountains and sea
Just to make you believe
I need you here beside me
I need to hear your laugh oh baby
The lonely path's worse
Than any fears i've ever fought
But i have said it once, i'll say it again
I'd run through the mountains and sea
Just to make sure baby
You'd hear my plea and cry for help
To have you here beside me
I need to hear your voice oh baby
I need to hold you once more baby
But every step i take on this broken path
Each road leads me to another dead end...

I cross each mountain and sea
Wishing you were here beside me
Hoping i'd see you somewhere
That one day you'll be back in my arms...
So i cross through mountains and sea
Maybe, just maybe
You will be back here beside me...

Bleeding

2008-08-05T21:22:00.000+08:00

Tell me baby
How you've been lately
I need you so badly
Cause without you baby
My life's a nightmare without you beside me

Cut open
I feel the warmth
So comfortable
So relaxing
Because I can feel the bleeding
Bleeding, bleeding wrist
I taste the blood of my fist
Bleeding, bleeding fast
I taste the pain of my heart
Girl i still think of you
Dream of you
Needing you every minute and second
But i keep keep bleeding

Girl i can't stand it being without you
Cause i still need you
And i still think of you
In everything, whatever i do
Girl i need you beside me
Cause my fairytale is shattered
As long you not here to be my princess
Then this story is lifeless

Bleeding, bleeding wrist
I taste the blood of my fist
Bleeding, bleeding fast
I taste the pain of my heart
Girl i still think of you
Dream of you
Needing you every minute and second
But i keep keep bleeding

Girl how you've been lately
I still believe you will be with me
But my heart is dead
When you told me
The day you left me

Lately

2008-08-05T00:37:00.000+08:00

Did you know girl
All i've been doing lately
Crying
Crying
Crying
No really...just dying

The bloods keeps dripping
The tears keeps flowing
Is it time for me to let you go~oh
Lately
Nothing seems to matter
Cause it's only you i'm after
Lately
Everything seems to be boring
Cause without you i'm dying
Girl have you even thought of me lately
My wrists have been bleeding lately
My tears tend to choke me lately
Girl i need you please come back to me

Girl i feel like a fool
Cause i have always been the only one
Crying over you baby
I don't really know if you still love me
But baby trust me you're the only thing i see

Lately
Nothing seems to matter
Cause it's only you i'm after
Lately
Everything seems to be boring
Cause without you i'm dying
Girl have you even thought of me lately
My wrists have been bleeding lately
My tears tend to choke me lately
Girl i need you please come back to me

Girl my tears have blinded me lately
My mind has been going blank lately
My hands have been shaking lately
Baby...
My heart has been slowing down lately
Girl i think...
My life is gone...because of you baby

Necklace

2008-08-01T22:25:00.000+08:00

Gripping it ever so hard
I feel the trickle of blood down my hands
It feels warm, so comforting
Because this is the necklace
The necklace you gave me
On the day you went away...

Still seeing you in everything i do
Girl I can't even lie i'm fine
Cause every time i speak i cry
Every time i'm alone i just wanna die
I wanna know girl
Do you know how much pain
I have to endure every time
I walk in the rain?
I now live in despair
Crying every time i hold the necklace
Cause i still see your back
Walking away from me

I'm feeling so cold and lonely
Just wishing you would be the one
The one who would save me
I know what i wish is but a fool's
But i still hope you would come back
Make me whole, make me complete
Make me get back on my feet

Still seeing you in everything i do
Girl I can't even lie i'm fine
Cause every time i speak i cry
Every time i'm alone i just wanna die
I wanna know girl
Do you know how much pain
I have to endure every time
I walk in the rain?
I now live in despair
Crying every time i hold the necklace
Cause i still see your back
Walking away from me

I still hold the necklace
Cause it's so dear to me
And it's the only gift you gave me
Because i only asked for your kisses
For i believed our love would never die
Girl know you are truly the reason
Why this necklace makes me cry

Walk

2008-07-31T19:08:00.000+08:00

I've been walking down this broken path
Having only memories of you beside me
I'd walk the million roads just for you to see
How much your love meant to me

Baby i'd walk a thousand miles
Just to see your laugh
Just to see your smile
Just to see you
Cause i need you beside me
Life without you has drained me
It still makes me cry when i think of you
I want you...i need you...
Baby i'd walk a million miles
Just so you'd see
How much you really meant to me

Girl does it really mean to live
When i can't see you
Even though every minute i still think of you
I cried for days and night
Since you left my arms
Cause whenever you're out of my sight
Tears fill my eyes
I want you i need you
Does it ever cross your mind
How hard is it for me to not have you
Cause everything i do i still see you

Baby i'd walk a thousand miles
Just to see your laugh
Just to see your smile
Just to see you
Cause i need you beside me
Life without you has killed me
It still makes me wanna die when i think of you
I want you...i need you...
Baby i'd walk a million miles
Just so you'd see
How much you really meant to me

Girl i'd run a million miles
Cause without you in my arms
It feels like the world has ended
I still see you in everything i do
Cause girl the only thing i wanna do
Is to be right beside you...
Saying I Love You...

Waiting

2008-07-30T21:29:00.000+08:00

Girl...do you know how much i waited...
Things move on but my heart never did...
I'm still breathing...still waiting...
Still waiting...

Not sleeping, not eating, not alive
Girl i still see you in everything i do
Damn it i'd do anything for you
Why did you leave me waiting..cause'
Every night i'm waiting waiting
Waiting for you to phone
Every night i'm waiting waiting
Waiting for you to call
Cause every night, i'm crying crying
Just about to fall

Rap: o_O
I'm walking down the empty path
With nothing except memories you left me
Feeling nothing but the sorrow right beside me
Your memories of leaving me just killing
Maybe this is a imagination
But it's still me feeling

Not sleeping, not eating, not alive
Girl i still see you in everything i do
Damn it i'd do anything for you
Why did you leave me waiting..cause'
Every night i'm waiting waiting
Waiting for you to phone
Every night i'm waiting waiting
Waiting for you to call
Cause every night, i'm crying crying
Just about to fall

Girl i'm still waiting
Waiting for that phone call
Cause' for you i'd give it all
So now i'm waiting...waiting...
Still waiting..

So lonely, without you

2008-07-27T14:35:00.000+08:00

Baby give me a chance
I would go back to that night
Hugging you, kissing you
Never let you outta my sight
Baby please come back to me
Cause you're everything i see

Every night its so lonely and cold
Feeling my life as if i was alone
I am so lonely, so lonely
So lonely without you
I am so lonely, so lonely
So lonely without you
Girl please come back to me
I don't wanna live without you
Girl come back to me, come back to me
I can't live without you
My world's so lonely, so lonely
So lonely without you
My world's so lonely, so lonely
So lonely without you

Every night i pray to God
Oh gimme back the one i love
Cause without her near me
I feel I've lost everything i owned
I'd do anything to get her back
Even if it meant going back again to Hell
Oh God gimme back the one i love
Cause it's just too lonely without her

I am so lonely, so lonely
So lonely without you
I am so lonely, so lonely
So lonely without you
Girl please come back to me
I don't wanna live without you
Girl come back to me, come back to me
I can't live without you
My world's so lonely, so lonely
So lonely without you
My world's so lonely, so lonely
So lonely without you

The world so lonely...
I don't wanna live...
Girl without you the world's so lonely..
Cause's for you everything I'd give.

Gomen, aisheteru, sayonara

Dying

2008-07-25T11:28:00.001+08:00

No matter how many times i count
Not a day had passed from the day you left
I can't accept reality
For you pulled me into my deepest dream
A dream i never want to wake up from
A dream where i am free to do anything
A dream where i am losing it
A dream where i am dying

The pain you gave
Was it the payment of your love?
Or was it the payment of my foolish idea
That we could truly last forever
But if forever is what you meant
Was it forever together as lovers
Or was it actually forever as friends?
I sang the song of the fairytale
I'll be the frog who changed into a prince
From the divine kiss you gave me
We had fun, we had love, we had everything
But it's so ironic
How you end up killing me
I turned back into a frog
And now i am in pain
For you turned me back to what i am now
A lonely frog in the depths of the swamp

I stand alone, without anyone
I stand alone, without you
I stand alone, without my heartbeat
I am dying, without you
I am dying, because i fooled myself
I am dying...
Because i am dying and not dead
For Death can't accept me
It's to pay for my sins
Of foolishness
And i'm paying by dying forever
Never dead, just dying
Like a man who jumps of a cliff,
Only to wake up alive on his bed

So every night i stand the pain
Every night i drown in the sorrow
Just maybe...
Maybe one day, when i can finally be free
Free from anything
Would be day the you save me from dying
For even you conquer Death
For you conquered my dying heart

Gomen, arigatou, aisheteru

Without You

2008-07-24T21:04:00.000+08:00

I wanna tell you i love you
I want you to tell me you love me
My world is empty, without you
My life is nothing, without you
My heartbeat is stopping, without you

I'm losing everything i got, without you
I'm starting to lose my breath, without you
I'm starting to fade away, without you
My life is ending, without you
Tears fall like rain
Blood spew all over like a champagne
My life is thrown into sadness and disaster
Without you

I remember the day you said
I can't love you
I understood, i knew
But then i still cried
Because i knew another thing

Without you, i am no more special
Without you, i am no longer me
Without you, i am like an empty shell
Without you, i am another fool, waiting for help
Without you, i lost myself
Without you, i lost all interest in everything
Without you, i forgotten what happiness meant
Without you, i'd rather die

Without you, is the same as me without me
For i am nothing, truly nothing
And i will always be nothing
Without you

Gomen, arigatou, aisheteru
I'm sorry, thank you, i love you

Tears

2008-07-24T16:54:00.000+08:00

No it hasn't gone
The pain in my heart
It continues to drown me
In pain, in sorrow
Rivers of tears flow
I will never be the same again

I cried and cried
Tears flowing with every breath i take
Its harder to breathe
Harder to move
Harder to live
I cried and cried
The tears won't stop flowing
Friends and loved ones worry
But i can't stop
I can't breath now
I can't eat
I can't take a break
For all i hear and see
Is you in everything i do

I lost my appetite
I lost my friends
I lost my heart
Because i lost you
The tears won't stop flowing
No matter how much blood i shed
The tears keep flowing
My view is blurred by the tears
I can't see anything in front of me
But does it really matter
For all i can see is you

I cried and cried
I want to stop
But the tears are no different from a rain
The rain that never stops pouring
I keep on wishing
Hoping that i'd hear your voice again
Maybe a laugh
Maybe just a breath from you
But either way
The tears just keep flowing
For the tears came from my broken heart
Broken from losing you
So i cry and cry
And wait for one day
When i can hear your voice
Or God's when Death comes to claim me
Maybe...maybe on that day
I can stop the tears

Gomen, arigatou, aisheteru
I'm sorry, thank you, i love you

Nothing

2008-07-24T09:34:00.000+08:00

Not a day has passed since that day
Where my heart isn't in anguish and pain
The river of tears and the sea of rain
Do you how much i miss you
How much you meant to me
And how i'm nothing without you

Nothing
I ran down through the alley
Waiting for a stray bullet to hit me
Things will never be the same without you
I cried and cried and cried
How could my angel throw me back
The very place where all my pain and sorrow reigns
Do you know how much you meant to me
How much i loved you
How much i needed you
Both body and soul yearns for you
But
I have no soul without you
My body is just like an empty shell
You are the key to my lock
You are the missing piece of my jigsaw
Without you, i am...

Nothing
Nothing i do would make me stop crying over you
For everything i do, reminds me of you
Nothing i made looks good anymore
For i lost all my spirits and hope
Nothing can make me complete again
Nothing can make me full again
Nothing i do would make me forget you
Is there nothing i could do to make you mine again
Things would never be the same without you
For without you, i am an empty shell
Without you, i am...

Nothing

Gomen, arigatou, aisheteru
i'm sorry, thank you, i love you

Bullet

2008-07-24T08:51:00.000+08:00

Step by step
Seconds by seconds
Minutes by minutes
Those minutes turned in hours
And those are the hours of slow pain i am drowning in

Tell me now
What did i do
To deserve the pain i have to go through
What have i done
To have to feel the sorrow i'm stuck in

I fell down, never stood up
Put it at my head
Pull the trigger
End my horrid pain
With a bullet through my head
End my pain
End my sorrows
End the endless pain
With a bullet through my head

I've been doing all i could
I've done as much as my body would
But i have never had the guts to just cut it
My wrist would just bleed
Maybe a drip, maybe two
But never a flow

So aim it at my head
Pull the trigger
End the nightmare
End the mad pain
With a bullet through my head
End my pain
End my drowning sorrows
End the endless pain

With a bullet through my head

Gomen, arigatou, aisheteru
I'm sorry, thank you, i love you

3 days...

2008-07-24T07:16:00.000+08:00

This, whether she see's or not, whether she wants to or not, is dedicated to her, eventhough i might cry in school, i will get this done.

3 days
You gave me love and care
You truly made me what i could only wish for
You gave me the ability to use my gifts
Gifts and talents I could never thought of

How ironic
Oh how so ironic

For the third day, you left me alone
Alone to fight this pain
Alone to cry in the darkness
Alone to lose all what you gave
What did i do to lose you
Cause I'd do anything for you
But you said, whatever i do
Makes you remind yourself of someone else
Can i never be the hero in your fairytale
Must I always be the dark guardian
Who only is able to help
But never be helped

3 days
I fell for you
I gave my love for you
3 days
You cared for me
You gave love to me

How ironic
Oh how so ironic
For you gave me a life
My very drug i wanted and avoided
Only to take it away
Right when i needed it the most

3 days
I'm still alone now
Would you really know how i feel now
Would you see my tears
Or would you turn away, to avoid the guilt inside you
3 days
You made me a hero
Now, after those 3 days
You murdered me

3 days
Just 3 days...

Gomen, arigatou, aisheteru
I'm sorry, thank you, i love you

Never the same again,
.kyoru mizuruki.

Messed up, truly

2008-07-24T00:32:00.000+08:00

Oh girl
I remember, the days where you left me in dark
The days where before it could start
The day I cried
The day my heart finally died
The day you left
The day i messed up.

I've been crying
All day all night
Just wanting another catch
Another glimpse
Of your pretty face
Just wishing i was in a daze

Right now i'm just laying on the floor
Hoping all day all night
That some day
You'll walk right in through that door
Oh i remember the time
July 23rd Wed'sday 55 after 9
I had so much to say
Why did you had to leave that day

I'm all alone
Drowning in my silence of sorrow and pain
Hoping some day, some time
Hoping all day all night
You'll come to me and see how i messed up

Messed up

2008-07-23T23:52:00.000+08:00

You've always been
My maiden in my fairytale
The one so fair, so gorgeous
The only one in my heart

You're the one who revived me
Nourished me, cared for me
Fed me love, fed me warmth
Ironic,
Oh so ironic
How could it be so ironic?!
That you, my only
To be the downfall of me?

I have seen millions of God's creations
Never one as kind as you
Never one as lovely as you
Never one who cared for the beast
Who only wished for a beauty
Who would just care
Who would just love
Who would just be there
When i needed her the most

I fell, deep into the dooms of sorrow
I fell, into a world i have avoided
I fell, into a world i have visited,
Never want to see it again,
And ironic,
Oh so ironic,
How ironic that you,
My only who pushed me back into the land of sorrow

For now i endure
In pain of physical, mental and spiritual
I shall await always
and always
and always
and always
to be the one
who shall be your one and only
in those fairytale

Why...

2008-07-23T18:56:00.000+08:00

I wonder...is it fine, for us to not believe what we choose
But to choose what we believe in?

Is it okay to believe that i love her?
Is it okay to believe that she loves me?

Is it okay to believe that she loves someone else?
Is it okay for me to CHOOSE that i love her
Is it ok to CHOOSE to believe i only love her and not her body?
Is it okay to CHOOSE that i really am gifted to love her?

I wonder, is it true i only choose what to believe
And not to believe what i chose?
Is it true that i only want her,
And not truly see the fact that i just want her body?

Is it okay for me to choose that i fucked up everything
And not believe that it was God's grace to make sure i didn't end up worse?
Can i truly believe that i choose to believe
And not that i believe what i chose?

I wonder, dear God
Did you made me cursed
Did you made me the Devil's advocate
Made me believe i would fall forever
Never thought of standing up on my own will?

I wonder again
Could it be you blessed me so great
So that i could suffer now
To endure the future?

God, i again wonder
Did i rely too much on my beliefs?
Or did i wonder too much
Did i cursed myself,
When i believed that the Devil would help?

God, is there forgiveness?
Is there truly pain or is it an imagination?
Is there truly love or is it also an imagination?
Is there truly a me
Is there truly a day i am not me
Is there truly a day where i am me?
Is there, truly a life i am cursed or blessed to live?

God
God
God
I beg for your mercy
For i am a fool
You created us
You created me
To stand right
And yet
I went the wrong path
I may be able to turn around
Then why is it so hard?

God, i still wonder
Is there, truly a life i would not have feel pain?
Is there truly a life i will only feel pain?

Then again...
God
Is there truly a life where i can choose what to believe
Or a live i can believe in what i chose?

God, answer me
Answer me
For i am lost
I am never the same
And its so ironic

For i never knew who i truly was
Yet i believe you will make me right
when i am wrong, useless, meaningless

God, is there truly
An answer to all my questions
Where its contained in just one word
Why?

Dance With Me

2008-04-18T00:18:00.000+08:00

Got a little emo today, thanks to you-know-who the 1st. >_> I decided to make a song out of nowhere. And thanks to Joanne for keeping me company =) Ching Jin you are one lucky man =)

Dance With Me

The white pearl roses
As the fiery gem dissapears
I wish for another dance
And another dance is all I ask for us

Chorus:
Dance with me, dance with me
Dance with me for the last time
Bathed by the exquisite light
Dance with me, dance with me
Dance with me for my last wish
Drown my sorrows with your kiss
Dance with me, dance with me
This is the one dance I will never miss

Lie down and watch the stars
Make a wish and hope we'll always last
Stop my tears before it's too late
Before the tears take my life
Before the tears stops this beating heart
All I ask is for this final dance

Repeat Chorus

Oh girl dance with me, dance with me
Dance with me in this moonlight stream
Let us dance with this romantic stance
Dance with me, dance with me
Oh girl dance with me, dance with me
Dance with me before my journey ends...

So what you people think? Hate it? Think it's at least legal to be heard? At least let me know =)

Nite ppl =) Very tired today. tqbye

Please Rescue Me

2007-07-08T05:47:00.000+08:00

Man its 6 am and i haven't sleep cz i dun feel like it == Lets see what comes up...yes i miss my 2nd ex and i think i can go mad cz we aren't exactly talking much anymore AnD i dun feel comfortable around her. = = Well...yes thats the main point...i tried falling in love again but....= = ARGH = = i liked 1 who is nice to me but ppl adviced me that she's a player...another one is starting to show points she dislikes me so... = = Ah fuk...i'm talking cock again...*haiz*

Wake me up
Please wake me up
Let this be a dream
A nightmare
A nightmare that haunts me
A frightening dream
You've kiss me hello
You've kiss me goodnight
You've kiss me all day and every night
Girl i don't want you to kiss me goodbye...

Please rescue me
Oh please rescue me
Save me from this nightmare
Save me from this horrid abyss
Oh save me from this sorrow

Tell me this is a dream
Tell me this is a horrible nightmare
Tell me I'll be rescued
Why are tears flowing
Why is this blood surrounding me
Why am i even here

Please rescue me
Oh please rescue me
Save me from this nightmare
Save me from this horrid abyss
Oh save me from this sorrow

Don't wanna cry no more
Don't wanna cry no more
I just wanna stand up
Walk, move on
Tell me why oh why i can't
Why i can't
Stop loving you
Save me
Oh save me
From this nightmare
From this nightmare that haunts me
From this frightening dream

Please rescue me
Oh please rescue me
Save me from this nightmare
Save me from this horrid abyss
Oh save me from this sorrow
Please rescue me...please rescue me...
Rescue me from myself

Deep Depression

2007-06-04T14:25:00.000+08:00

Deep Depression.

Cut so deep,
Slowly bleeding,
My heart is broken,
And is not healing.

Need to leave,
Run away,
This lifes so hard,
Don't want to stay.

There are pictures around me,
All over the floor,
Old memories pass,
Don't want to remember them anymore.

Cuts on my wrist,
Theres blood on the knife,
The pain slowly goes,
Of my former life.

Feeling weak,
Nothing feels real,
No one would understand,
Just how i feel.

All alone,
Allmost dead,
Felt the knife's effect
Until my head.

I stare at the window,
Tears run down my face,
Soon i wont remember,
Things from this terrible place.

The door knob turns,
I hear a voice,
They're going to be sad,
About my choice.

She runs to me,
She takes the knife away,
"You're so sad!
Why didn't you just say?"

I look at her,
She looks at me,
Tears run down my face,
I look sad as can be.

My breath is shortened,
I'm feeling cold,
Deaths strong hand,
Takes it's hold.

She sits beside me,
She stays by my side,
She made me feel happy,
Just before i died.

I close my eyes,
I give her a smile,
It stays on my face,
But only for a while.

My smile fades,
And i die,
My friend stays close to me,
And just cries.

....A random poem i saw somewhere in my past...i changed a little here and there and now its mine...zzz...i guess this was my past (at least 2-3 years ago...)...I'll be posting a song which 100% suits me soon...yeah...

Jay, going off